August 11, 2012
We've heard the lies that men tell women and now we think it's about time the ladies came clean too; trust us, they don't exactly come out smelling of roses. From lying about how many sexual partners they've had, to pretending they're a dress size smaller than they actually are, the females have their fair share of fibs. Here's the lowdown:
"I don't know where it is! I haven't touched it!"
Whether you're a man or a woman reading this, you're probably familiar with the scenario where she tidies up and suddenly his possessions go AWOL. On most of these occasions, the missing item mysteriously appears somewhere obscure, such as in her handbag (what could she possibly want with a beard trimming kit?). When questioned again as to how the missing item got there, she suddenly remembers that she put it there because it was making a mess around the house so she wanted to shove it somewhere out of sight. Men can't seem to leave anything anywhere without it being swept up and taken elsewhere. If you're going to move something ladies, at least remember where you moved it to and don't tell the "I haven't touched it!" lie to your man. Men know that they need a little help keeping the place clean every now and then, but what's wrong with putting his things where he can see them? We rest our case. Oh wait, where did that case go? Anyone seen a case?
"No way! I love that too!"
Women have hobbies – granted. Why is it though, that whatever their love interest enjoys doing in his spare time, this is suddenly their favourite hobby too? A man could tell a woman something random like "I enjoy rock climbing with a purple crayon in my rucksack" and she'd say "no way! I love that too!" Ladies like their love interests to think there's some sort of profound, deep-rooted connection that makes you love all the things they love and vice versa; this is more weird than impressive when they take it to the extreme though. Gents, next time a lady blatantly pretends to like something just so she can connect with you on guy level, take her to a boring match and snigger quietly into your chips as she struggles to hold her passionate smile in place for a moment longer.
"I wouldn't change a thing about you"
When a woman says this, her pants are on fire. A woman might think that there's nothing she would change about her man, but that's until she realises his annoying habits and then compiles a dossier of her perfect man in her mind. If they wouldn't change a thing about men then why do they nag their other half to clean up after themselves, have a shave, and stop leaving the toilet seat up? A woman may say that she loves these mannerisms because "that's what makes you, you" (alongside all the other men in the world who share the same habits), but when they're red in the face from yelling at their partner you realise they were just saying that they wouldn't change anything about them out of politeness. Bless women for being so sensitive towards your feelings.
"I've not had many sexual partners"
When it comes to sexual partners, women are notorious for being economical with the truth. In fact, a recent survey published in the Journal of Sex Research states that a massive 68 per cent of women take a few notches off the bed post when asked about their past sexual encounters. Why? Because no matter how much we try to gloss over it, there is still a large amount of social stigma attached to women who have had their fair share of sexual partners and, with the derogatory labels used to define them, it's no surprise that women would rather keep the truth to themselves. There's a general rule of thumb that suggests that when a man says how many women he's slept with, you should take three off to get an accurate number. For women, you add three on. In a society that has advanced as far as it has today, women should perhaps be treated equally to men, yet unfortunately they still feel pressured to tell porkies when this subject arises.
"I won't get mad if you say I don't look good in this dress"
Ahh this is an old classic. Women want the truth so that they know whether they can wear that dress or not, but when they're told they look great, they never believe the poor worried man who just dished out this compliment. The reply is often something along the lines of "Great? I look great? Can you not see my muffin top?" When a man says "maybe you should change into something else", suddenly he becomes the insulting bad guy who hates his other half's body. This is the ultimate trap that most guys fall into at some point during their life. As soon as a man sees his partner changing into a new dress, he should run for the hills. Either that, or women should just say something along the lines of "tell me the truth or tell me a lie, either way I'll be mad at you", to give their partner a chance to hide.